my existence

|>me |ian
|>existed |230589
|>status |married. |>currently |working |>represented |nineteen.19
|>piercings |labret'tongue
|>hue |red.black.pink
|>my songs |onlyone*
....broken this fragil thing now

i know this love between us is growing stronger
you can call me whenever from wherever
just remember that

i'll be there
through all the stormy weather
+us+ break up never
no we'll be together
in my heart you'll always be
and more to me
for I.
know this love between us
is growing stronger

for you are always
on my mind
you know that

you are always
on my mind?

spank me again

Image: I
Designer: I
Brush: I

my utopia



  • April 2006
  • May 2006

  • talk

    Wednesday, May 03, 2006

    |are you going to leave me?

    its going to be 5am in the morning soon. and i think i'm really crazy not to be asleep. i don't know why. but, i guess i'm just forcing myself to drain out every single energy out of me so that hopefully [fingers crossed] tomorrow would end faster. why? don't ask. cause i don't have an answer to it either. i just want time to pass on quickly. sighh** but somehow or another, things just seems to go the other way. slower. and slower. darn* [ #!?/#%@! ] yeah, i'm sure you people understand right?

    today, or should i say yesterday, nothing much really did happen. it was calm and simple on the "outside" world.. yet within me. my emotions went out of control. pisai would be the only person that would EVER understand me. the rest? shrugs** tried and failed. and just refuse to try again. nevermind about that. well, i starved myself all the way until 4pm till pisai woke up [like finally] from her beauty sleep. after that, she told me that lynn was coming over to just chill. lynn. that person that i have been hearing about all this while. it was somewhat like meeting queen eli- laughhs** no la. lynn is much prettier. "don't go doing that stupid hand sign on me again okay!!!" laughhs** she's nice. now i know why pisai could and would never get over her. she was.. as beautiful as how Hem used to be. sighh** the past.. are just.. nvm. we went up to the roof top passed the guitar around. and i got to learn a new song!!! smiles** fall to pieces-- yeah.. [**claps hand] i'm proud of myself. but then again, i'm kinda upset the same time cause i know that it'll be real soon that the guitar would have to return to its rightful owner. sighh** when will i have mine back? hmph~

    after a while, we went off to the canteen to eat. smiles** like finally. my poor tummy, growling for food. sighh** and kellyn won't stop calling me a potato. i'm not one. and i don't look like one. if i were a potato. then kellyn would be cabbage. laughhs** no la, i'm just fooling around.. dun you dare go and "WHA LAU" me again okay!! hehe... anyways. bact to the food. me and pisai ordered beef horfun and yimee. as for lynn, she simply took the fried rice. and we all shared this chicken salad thingi that, actually tasted quite nice. okay la. hehehe, perhaps it was only because i was hungry. we chilled outside the canteen for sometime. talking about how egoistic guys can be at times, about how good girls can actually get another girl so high. hehehe.. ok fine. most of it was about sex. but it definately wasn't because all of us were deprived or anything. but we just decided to somehow, lead our way to that perticular interesting topic. but we had a good time. or at least i hope so. and so... we went back up to pisai's room, watched the "butterfly effect" for the 6th time already. it wasn't boring, but me and pisai could actually still remember clearly on what happen next scene. yawns** ian was getting really bored.

    lynn left after that. 1/2 an hour later pisai came back. looking all... drained. i asked why. the current gf met pisai. [ who is like the ex-gf of lynn.] so pisai got uncomfortable and left. lynn passed a stack of DVDs to allow us to preoccupy our time together. do some bonding shit. it was nice of her to actually donate 1/2 of her sparkling water and 2 bags of snacks. lynn.. before the movie could start. it was already gone. laughhs** but thanks anyway..

    we decided to watch dirty dancing. the whole title was all erotic so, i guess we needed some form of entertainment by the night too right. so yupps. pops the dvd in. smiless** the movie was nice. with all the salsa and some rubbing and touching and kissing. ha. smiles** wells, towards the end. i had to run out. i had ... to. call.


    well, i missed her really badly. i did tell her that. but she didn't exactly give me a reply or even an acknoledgement. how sad right... cries** nvm. i cried. when i asked. "anything you wanna tell me about? " then in my heart i was hoping you would say that " i miss you and the day wasn't perfect without having you by my side" i dunno some mushy2 stuff would be nice once in a while. i'm sorry. really didn't mean to. hahaha... **smiles. well, she told me that " i need you" and i replied " i need you too" did i? yeah. i really did. i need you to be here to wipe away my tears .really. back to the whole crying thing. it was seriously on implulse. what had overcome me.. was just so scary. i heard her voice. everysingle time, i thought about our passionate kisses. and our wonderful expirences on the bed. or just simply hold your wonderful hands.. or just by having you close. baby, i miss you. i miss all of you.

    i need to like... close my eyes and just let me drift away to lala land. pisai is snoring. she's mumbling at the same time. now i feel lke a monk. ha. i love my pisai. haha.

    |i think you should leave

    <3 2:01 PM